I’m one month into my oral chemo regimen, so last week I had the periodic checkup with my oncologist. Although she reminded me again that there is no cure, she thinks I’m doing great, but all the following things were also part of the conversation:
• Your white blood counts are extremely low
• You need a pelvis MRI over the next couple of weeks.
• Your next kidney stent replacement surgery is next week
• Tumor marker tests need to be done in September
• CT scan in October
• Early in the treatment, but we suspect this chemo is working, as your ascites pain is lessening, but we won’t really know until all the above tests are done.
In so many words, welcome to my new life, my new me, my new normal.
A statistic that isn’t always shared with patients is that nearly 30% of women diagnosed with early-stage breast cancer develop metastatic disease. There’re many of us who are dealing with this new normal.
It’s only been weeks, but I’ve already learned to accept imperfect test results and uncertainty in my day to day life.
And outside of the oncologist office?
A beautiful yellow bird flew right past my window about a minute ago, reminding me that I cannot succumb to worry about what cannot be known and what cannot be fixed. I live in the moment and appreciate what is around me. I continuously remind myself what my oncologist told me after the diagnoses. Your cancer is not “beatable” but “livable.” There are days when I look and feel well and healthy. There are days that I don’t. So, I live, live, live, every minute that I have, especially now that our son and daughter-in-law and two grandchildren are visiting, and our life is full of toothless and drooly smiles from the seven-month-old, and energetic running around with our four-year-old, who fits the words ‘Grandma’ and ‘Pop’ into every other sentence as she creates beautiful art.
But what will Jim and I do after they go home next week?
We’ll take our time to accept and adapt to the new new normal.
We’ll focus on what is most meaningful to us and brings us joy:
• each other
• Our spiritual journey and belief
• Facetime with grandchildren and their parents
• get together with our younger son and his amazing fiancée
• reach out to friends, family, and loved ones
• check in regularly with the amazing Metastatic Breast Cancer (MBC) support group that I am now a member of
• practice complementary therapies (like acupuncture and Qigong)
• eat the most nutritious diet for our needs
• exercise regularly
• manage stress…somehow
How do you live, live, live?
A friend has been kind enough to set up a GoFundMe fundraiser.
Here is the link to that page.