Those wind chimes are driving me...!

Do you love (or hate) wind chimes?

Did you know wind chimes date back to 3000BCE Southeast Asia? They were initially made of pottery, bone, or shell. More modern versions, crafted from metal and with specific sounds in mind, made their appearance around 1100BCE in other areas of Asia. Eventually, they would spread to the rest of the world.

I’ve always loved them. For me, they're a treasured gift. And I've enjoyed giving them to friends and family for as long as I remember. But it wasn’t until recently that I realized wind chimes are regularly featured on lists of “Most Annoying Things About My Neighbors”! They're a major cause of noise complaints...and even a few 911 calls.

Here are some of the stories I ran across:

“…a neighbor near me had the bloody things and for several years I hardly got a wink of sleep on any windy night. I seriously considered a commando raid to steal the poxy things.”

“I’m a 911 dispatcher. I used to work in a shore town, where all the houses were right on top of each other. I dealt with two neighbors who for years fought about wind chimes. 'He' hated them. 'She' kept them because they were the last thing her husband gave her before he died. Year after year, I dealt with the arguments between these two. So one day, he called. I said, “let me guess. You’re complaining about your neighbor’s wind chimes making noise?” He said “they’re not making noise anymore. I went over with scissors to cut them, and she tried to stop me. So I stabbed her in the chest with the scissors. You should probably send an ambulance.”

“I was staying at a friend’s house one night. Starts pouring rain with heavy winds. As I’m falling asleep, I realize there is a huge wind chime outside my window. I go outside in the storm, spend several minutes taking apart the stupid thing so it doesn’t make any more noise. I leave it out there in pieces so it can think about its life choices. I go back inside and sleep like a rock.”

They all seem like good story candidates for a Jan Coffey novel, don’t they? 

Well, here are a couple of reasons why I like wind chimes. Maybe you could add why you do (or don’t) like them. 

• The melodious sounds are so soothing.

• They keep the birds away from the berries in the garden.

Feel free to share your stories with us...but please don't tell us if you've stabbed your neighbor!!

Who needs a bucket list?

How many times have you heard someone ask, “What’s on your bucket list?”

I’ve always been a fan of lists (not necessarily the ‘bucket’ variety…but lists). I find that writing something down tends to make my goals real and tangible and to hold me accountable. Also, it helps with remembering things. But that’s another story.

So, how about a bucket list? Do you have a list of things you want to do before you 'shuffle off this mortal coil'?

This is a concept so deeply ingrained in our current culture that there are multiple self-help books and websites dedicated to helping you create your own bucket list.

You don’t have one? No worries. You won’t have any trouble finding friends and family (along with those books and websites) who’d love to build or expand your bucket list. They’ll come up with things like visiting the Seven Wonders of the World, climbing the Swiss Alps, spending a week in a Buddhist monastery in Bhutan or at an all-inclusive resort in Bali, etc. Things to do before you die that will push your limits or broaden your horizons and help you live your best life...more or less.

• Well, Jim and I don’t have a bucket list. Now, why is that?
   Because in the course of working and raising our children, we wrote and we wrote and we wrote. Writing was something we could do together, help pay our bills with, and even ‘live’ the adventures of our characters. And we got to see a bit of the world through our research and the conferences we attended. We loved and still love what we were doing.

• Because for many people, making a bucket list has come to incorporate one-upmanship.

• Because no two people see life the same.

 What does that last point mean? How many times does someone recommend and really pump up a book, a movie, a vacation package? Then, you take the recommendation and go into it with high expectations, only to be disappointed. Basically, your experience does not live up to what you imagined it would be. Now, if you read that same book, watch that same movie, or go on that trip without all the buildup—with only the mindset that I’m going to enjoy this, for there’s no high expectations—then the chances are that you’ll really enjoy that experience.

Now, are there places we’d like to visit some day? Yes, absolutely. Are there things we’d like to do that we’ve never have done before? Yes, for sure. Do we make a list of them? No. Especially not now.

These days, my bucket list couldn’t even include going to the dentist for my semi-annual cleaning. My oncologist finds that too compromising for my condition.

I recently read this passage in a Psychology Today article: “Building up the items on your bucket list in a way that your life is not complete [without them] is bound to leave you disappointed.”

No disappointments here. My life is complete, and I have so much to be thankful for. But Jim and I are definitely interested in going on spontaneous (and planned) getaways…oncologist permitting. Bali and Bhutan are not in the cards, but we might take that road trip up the Pacific coastline…

How about you? Do you have a bucket list? What do you think of it?

A friend has been kind enough to set up a GoFundMe fundraiser.

Here is the link to that page.

Thank you!

The Giving Tree...and the Tree that Fell from the Sky

Jim and I have always been tree lovers (at risk of being called ‘tree huggers’). And we mean that in the literal sense of word. Every house we’ve lived in, we’ve always planted a tree, or at least had a tree adventure.One of the favorite books we used to read to our sons when they were younger was The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein. Regardless of how many times we read that book, I always sobbed through the very last page.

Did I mention tree adventures?

There was a giant mulberry tree at our first house in Westerly, Rhode Island. Before we moved in, it was scheduled to be cut down. Hundreds of birds sat on that tree, ate the colorful berries, and then proceeded to poop on the neighbors’ cars. It took some friendly interaction from us – followed by cooking and delivering mulberry jam every year – to save that old tree’s life.

When we bought our home in the Point section of Newport, RI, the courtyard shaded by our white lilac became the fragrance-filled gathering place for countless neighborhood get-togethers.

The apricot tree we planted in our house in Perkasie, Pennsylvania, was a source of great amusement for the neighborhood kids. When it started bearing fruit, they looked like bees working around the hive. (The Shakers had a saying about the importance of growing enough for the neighbors too!) The kiwi wasn’t as successful, but we did have some luscious-looking branches.

And then there was the gigantic weeping willow tree in our backyard in Connecticut where our sons and their friends played volleyball and basketball for days on end. There was even a mini-tornado that brought down spruce and white pines along the property border, but the weeping willow survived.

Of course, soon after moving to California, we had to plant our pomegranate and avocado trees. Our granddaughter harvested two pomegranates this past month. And there are more than a dozen still growing on the tree!

In each case, with all of the planting and occasional pruning, we’ve done our share of sweating, hard digging and constant attention. We’ve had days of pondering whether the hole was deep enough or if the soil was fertilized enough. Once we considered if we should remove a boulder three feet down. But when it's all said and done, our trees have given us so many days of fun and conversation and adventure...and an occasional piece of fruit. (-:

But this week, we got an entirely new view of how someone else approaches the job.

A house recently purchased in our neighborhood had a half dozen VERY large, mature trees and at least a dozen shrubs planted yesterday. It took the workers less than a couple of hours. And how did they get it done? Take a guess after looking closely at the photo we took from our kitchen window. We're talking about seriously large equipment! Yes, that's the mother of all cranes in the left corner.

The couple moving in undoubtedly paid a great deal of money for this lightning quick landscaping...and that's great for them. But we still prefer the memories of our own giving trees much better than the tree that fell from the sky.

To Pseudonym or Not to Pseudonym: A Question of Lying (and Usefulness)

George Orwell was a big liar. So was George Elliot. And Dean Koontz. And all three of those nefarious Brontë sisters. And Mark Twain. And Agatha Christie. And George Sand. And Nora Roberts, of course. And that most insidious of liars, Dr. Seuss.

So was Jane Austen, though to a lesser extent. When Austen’s novel Sense and Sensibility came out in 1811, the phrase “By a Lady” was printed in place of her name on the title page. Anonymity was important at the beginning of her career, even though her authorship later became an open secret. But why not divulge her real name? Was it protection for herself or her family, was it the importance of propriety, or was it business?

All of the authors mentioned above are examples of writers who have used pseudonyms. Some of those pen names are actually the names we know them by. Okay, using a pen name is not exactly lying. There are lots of reasons for using them and “hiding” one’s identity.

George Orwell wanted to save his legal name for when he did his “serious” writing. Sand and the Brontës and Elliot and Austen were publishing at a time when it was difficult for women to get into print, never mind being taken seriously as writers. Or they wanted to protect their families or themselves, for a variety of reasons. Roberts and Koontz and Christie wanted to tell stories in other genres. Theodor Geisel was banned from submitting stories to the school newspaper for some infraction, so Seuss was born.

We’re liars too. When we published our first historical romance, the publisher insisted that we use a feminine pseudonym for business purposes. They even went so far as to invent a bio for us in the book that said something to the effect that “May McGoldrick lives in Bucks County, Pennsylvania, with her cat, where she is working on her next novel.” No picture. Our real names didn’t even appear on the copyright page.

That was okay with us. We were delighted about being published. Plus, those first books were romance, at that time the “infamous shady lady” of literature. Nikoo was working as an engineering manager with men reporting to her. Jim was teaching at a Catholic college. Oddly enough, our fiction turned out to be no problem there. The college administration embraced the novel, and we found out that the chaplain was even reading passages out loud at lunch in the school bookstore to groups of students.

About the cat business in the bio, however, our dog was seriously displeased. He sulked for months.

A few years later, another publisher wanted us to use the pen name Jan Coffey when we branched out into contemporary romantic suspense and thrillers. Jan is an acronym for Jim and Nikoo, and Coffey is an anglicized version of her Persian family name, Kafi. Fast forward to a couple of years ago. A publisher asked us to write a series of Westerns, and we needed a male pseudonym. So, Nik James was born.

For us, each choice was publisher-driven, with serious consideration about competition, book sales, crossover readership, and chain store retailer purchases.

So, the question for today is, are these factors for using different pen names relevant for writers in an increasingly post brick-and-mortar bookstore era? Or is it more important to have a single name so as not to cause confusion? After all, the goal is to bring the most eyes to our stories.

Issues to consider about pseudonyms

Protecting identity
Using a pseudonym is still a valuable tool for protecting someone’s identity. Susan May Patterson, who openly employs four different pen names for a variety of genres, says that the pseudonyms she uses for writing erotica are “known only to me and God.” Jennifer Ashley’s traditional publishers had a “collective cow” when she decided to write erotic romance, so she came up with a new pseudonym. Mary Bly was an untenured college professor at a Catholic university and saw the need to separate her fiction writing from her academic work. She chose the name Eloisa James.

Finding a good name
Our first publisher wanted a female pseudonym because they were afraid women would not buy a romance that a man had a hand in writing. When we suggested Nikoo McGoldrick, they said it wasn’t feminine sounding enough. If Reedsy were around then, we could have used their Pseudonym Generator to come up with something other than Jim’s grandmother’s name. Also, you might want to choose a pen name if your legal name is too common or difficult to spell or happens to be...um, William Shakespeare or Virginia Woolf or Gabriel García Márquez.

Copyrighting and the pseudonym
If you decide to copyright your work on your own, the US Copyright Office is very accommodating for authors with pen names. If you write under a pseudonym but want to be identified by your legal name in the Copyright Office’s records, give your legal name under Individual Author and click on Pseudonymous and provide your pen name, as well. If you don’t want to have your real identity revealed, then click on Pseudonymous only and leave the individual Author blank. If you fill in your name, it will become part of the public record. Either way you want to do it, they’ll be happy to take your money.

Collaboration
If you’ve collaborated with a partner on a novel and have decided to use a pseudonym, decide in advance (and in writing) who owns the name. After all, one or both of you may want to write a sequel.

Cost and time
Suppose you publish a series of books using a pseudonym and then decide to write in a different genre. Should you use a different pen name?

One thing to consider is the cost and time involved in developing your online presence. Jennifer Ashley, whose various pseudonyms were (like us) driven by publisher involvement, has said that her preference would have been to put “all my books under one name.” Developing an online presence for several pen names is a major pain.

We think of it this way. Do we really want to have two (or three or four) different websites and Twitter and Instagram accounts that constantly need to be fed? We won’t even get into the nightmare of additional TikTok accounts. Seriously, how much dancing can a working writer manage to do? And one last thing. Distinct autograph signatures for each pseudonym! Enough said.

Pseudonyms for nonfiction
A pen name for a how-to or other nonfiction book doesn’t really work. The success of these books depends, for the most part, on the recognized expertise of the individual writing the book.

Discoverability
Something we’ve known from the beginning of our career was that readers buy books by authors they know or have heard about from someone they trust. What we’ve learned is that having two pen names doesn’t facilitate crossover.

When J.T. Ellison decided to write in a different genre, she didn’t foresee a large crossover in readership and felt that using her name would screw up the algorithm for Also Bought suggestions on the online retailer page. So, she used a new pen name. M.L. Buchman disputes that position and believes you should go with one author name. He cites Kindlepreneur creator Dave Chesson’s research (shared at the last NINC conference) that “the shopper’s eye [on those product page suggestions] will mostly skip to see only the genre they’re interested in.”

Barbara Keiler (writing as Judith Arnold) and Brenda Hiatt each chose to write under a single name. Like us, both established their readership while writing for traditional publishers. They assert the belief that their name recognition and the consistency of their approach to storytelling across genres draws and satisfies readers, despite the different types of stories they tell.

Branding
For the 21st century novelist, branding is essential.

Elaine Isaak, writing in multiple genres, wanted “more separation when the books came out,” and is working on better branding. On the other hand, M.L. Buchman uses one name and “brands the crap out of it.” His branding efforts focus on a specific hierarchy: author, genre, then series. Buchman’s bottom line, “One name, one website, court the superfans who pay me the most money and buy everything I write.”

So, where does that leave us? Using your own name or a single pen name or several, the choice is individual. But for us? NO more multiple pseudonyms. If we had a do-over, we’d follow Buchman’s route.

And by the way, Eric Arthur Blair—you of the Animal Farm—we know who you are.

The Linen Skirt is Back!

Do you have a piece of clothing in your closet that is over a decade old? Maybe two decades? Did you contemplate donating it but at the last minute the sentimental value had you bury it deeper in there? Even though it no longer fit. Or the color was faded. Or the fabric was just a little frayed along the edges.

For me, this precious piece of clothing is a long linen skirt that I bought back in 2002. Moved across the country, washed so many times, packed and repacked and pushed to the darkest corner of the closet, this was the skirt that I wore to thirty sessions of radiation while I was going through treatment for my first bout with breast cancer. The skirt was my good luck charm, my happy skirt, my I’m going-to-surface-on the-other side-okay garment.

So, guess what I was doing this morning at 6:00 am, deep in my closet? Looking for that linen skirt. And I found it. And I wore it. And it fit! After a thirty-pound weight loss over the past four months, a lot of clothes now fit.

This morning, I wore it to my first ‘official’ chemo treatment.

Many of you have either been through it yourself, or you have family or friends who have gone or are going through cancer treatment, so let’s not talk about the side effects (though some of them appear to be instant and affecting me right now). Instead, let’s talk about the kindness and compassion of nurses and doctors who work in oncology and how I truly believe these people are angels on earth.

They get your name right. They have a sense of humor and make you laugh. Before walking into the treatment room, they read about you and then they ask about books and grandchildren and weekend plans. They treat you like a friend and not only a patient. At our request, they even take the time to bring in Marilou (the oncology pharmacist) so I can meet her and thank her in person.

And, of course, they say, “What a cool skirt. Where did you buy it?”

Then Jim and I come home and see all the messages and contributions and love that you have sent us during these few hours that we were gone. Here, today, we are blessed with so many more angels. Every one of you.

Thank you, friends. I’m a writer, but right now I’m a little short on words to express my gratitude for everything that you’re doing for us.

All I can say is that I’m looking forward to the day when I can fold up that skirt and tuck it away until the next battle.

Take a mental survey of your closet and tell me what’s the oldest piece in there. I’ll bet there’s sentimental value attached.